The Last Battle
by Vendetta-Rose
Summary: Uploaded on HPFF too. Contains randomness, cheese and sloths. Done years ago. Read for a laugh. Don't take it seriously because that could damage your health.


Author's Note: I had this story on for about a year or two. I can't really remember but I got some good reviews. About 40+ and thought that maybe everyone here on this site would like to laugh at the randomness that is in this fiction. I don't own any characters, and I do know that they act OOC but it's just for fun okay? No offense meant! Enjoy!

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The Last Battle

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Voldemort was the last one left. The one thing that stopped good from taking over the place. Although the Golden Trio had been caught and looked to be caged in some sort of coliseum.

The Dark Lords voice could be heard. "You will now wish that you never set out to destroy me, join me or die in a place like this…."

"It's not that bad, a few curtains here and a few flowers there and it'll be fine…"

Said Ron.

"Ron concentrate!" Hermione yelled in his face, sending large blobs of salvia all over his face.  
"It's not like we can lose, I mean I'm just _me_!" Harry smiled, totally forgetting the task at hand.

"Harry Potter, do you think you can defeat me? The great Dark Lord!" Voldemort questioned, with a slight sadist thought in mind.

"Well…Yes," a bit confused, "that is why I am here. I mean I didn't come all the way here to be locked in a, dungeon type thingy, and just go home in the morning after I spent, about five months trying to find other thing to try and kill you... You're very difficult." Harry said.

There was a low growl from Voldemort, who could still not be seen. Hermione huffed and asked if they would hurry up with the killing of Lord Voldemort.

"Well, I certainly didn't come here on my own will!" Hermione stated.  
"Then why the hell are you here?" Ron looked at her as if she were crazy.  
"I like complaining. It's not my fault." Hermione shrugged.  
"Technically it is." Harry joined the conversation.  
"No it's just like your hair Harry!" Hermione rolled her eyes.  
"What's wrong with _my super cool hair style_?" Harry smirked and put his hands on his hips.  
"Harry, you have what I call a super pool of dandruff." Hermione copied Harry's actions.  
"You're the one to talk, could your hair be any more – puff" he held his hands and the side of his head, touching his ears then moved them out wards.  
"Ron, your dress sense isn't any better!"  
"What' wrong with my dress sense?" Ron rolled his eyes.  
"I believe when you were born the present you got was, 'Awaken Bad Tastes'"  
"WHHAAA---?" The two boys looked confused.

Suddenly Voldemort came into view. His dark robes going in the direction of the up coming breeze. He cleared his throat obviously annoyed about the children's new topic of interest. They all have the gift of 'Extreme Blathering.'

"Can you two hurry up and duel, cause I'm starving…" Ron whined.  
"Ron, you're always starving, you're like a portable stomach…" Hermione piped up.  
"Eh, Hermione all stomachs are portable?" Ron answered, giving her a – your stupid look.  
"Shut up Ron." Hermione snapped.  
"Fine… I was just saying." Ron muttered.

"Ok, let's duel!" Harry said happily, walking up to the Dark Lord.  
"Ha – you shall now see my own secret weapon…! Release the insane throat ripping Sloth's!"

An old door opened, there stood hundreds of sloth's, large red eyes, sharp claws and extremely smelly breath. They waited patiently for their master to say something.

"ATTACK THEM NOW!" The Dark Lord bellowed with a smug look on his face. His killer animals, the leader of them. Lifted his front paw…

Four minutes later.

The leader outstretched his long claws and placed his paw on the stone floor.

Another four minutes later.

The leader sloth, lifted its back leg and outstretched it.

Another four minutes later.

"Ok….I'm have definitely seen this happen before." Hermione pondered.  
"Oh, you've seen everything." Ron said.  
"No, I've read everything." Hermione corrected.  
"That's because you have no life…" Harry mumbled.  
"What!" Hermione shouted. Sending another wave of salvia floating in the air.  
"Nothing. Nothing." Ron coward behind Harry.  
"Yeah, I thought so." Hermione glared at the redhead.

Still, for the next half-hour the hundreds of sloth's made about one metre as a travelling distance.  
"I'm getting bored….Want to just kill them?" Harry groaned.  
"That's sad…" Ron said.  
"Well, if they get near us, they will kill us, I don't want to die, I still have a few things I want to learn." Hermione butted-in.  
"Excuse me? You need to learn something? EVERYONE STOP THIS WAR PLEASE BECAUSE A BIG FRIZZY HEADED GIRL STILL NEEDS TO" he gasped in a sarcastic way. "LEARN SOMETHING!" Ron screamed, yes screamed…

"Unbelievable…" Voldemort muttered, the world had gone mad…Especially these kids….Still the kids argued and decided to just start firing some random spells at the sloth's for target practise. Though Harry soon got bored and decided to just go up and start kicking them…

"I AM THE GREATEST TOASTER IN THE WORLD, EVERYONE BOW TO ME!" Harry yelled as he kicked the last of the sloth's.

"Eh, Harry?"

"Whahahahahahahaha!" Harry cackled,

"He's lost it…"  
"Totally." Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Wahahahahahahaha!" Harry laughed so loudly that, one of the dead sloth's stood up and said,

"Shut the hell up you cage of invisible stench." The sloth, then fell to the ground, and unlike it's living movements it dropped to the ground in an instant.

"Heh, Heh, em, Sorry guys got a bit carried away there..." Harry scratched the back of his head, with a large smile on his face.  
"Obviously…"

The Dark Lord had somewhat not expected this turn out…Not in the least.

"Ok, I'm hungry now, let's get this over with…"  
"I know every spell, you cannot defeat me!"  
"I'm not going to defeat you with spells!"  
"Then what?"  
"WITH THE LOVE OF THIS!"  
"AHHHH NOOOOO IT CANNOT BE!"  
"YES IT IS! IT IS…..GALLOWAY CHESSE!"  
"NO! MY ONLY WEAKNESS THE LOVE FOR PATHETIC OBJECTS!"

And that was the day Lord Voldemort was killed. Killed by the only thing he was weak against…So when you look in your fridge and you see a block of cheese, remember it might have killed someone very dangerous – so beware and eat with caution.

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Author's Note: This may be my first and last random fiction because, nothing could top this... Well out of my head anyway. Still please review! I would love to know what you think! Am I insane? 


End file.
